10 Ways to Avoid Getting a Traffic Ticket
63This is a list of ten things you definitely should not do if you want to avoid a traffic ticket. Once you’ve been pulled over, you still have a chance of getting a warning. If you do one or more of the following ten things, you will most definitely get a ticket.
I write this because I got pulled over yesterday and got off with a warning. As a matter of fact, the last three times I’ve been stopped I’ve gotten off with a warning. This qualifies me as an expert in what not to do. I have never done any of the things on the list below, and things have worked out well for me.
They’re in no particular order. Here we go.
1. Do not be a wise-ass, smarty pants, riled-up a-hole. Settle down.
2. Do not direct any ethnic slurs toward the officer.
3. Do not attempt to take the officer’s firearm.
4. When the officer asks for your license, don’t say, “Hold on a minute, Officer Douchebag.”
5. Don’t defecate in your hand and throw it at the officer.
6. Don’t put your car in reverse and ram the officer’s car.
7. When the officer asks for your insurance card, don’t say, “Would you like a mint? Your breath smells like dog shit.”
8. Do not start yelling at your wife about not sending in the insurance payment, and then punch her in the face in front of the officer.
9. Do not respond with “I fart in your general direction” to anything the officer may ask you.
10. If the officer is female, don’t ask her to lean down again so you can see her cleavage one more time.
Obey these simple rules and your chances of getting a traffic ticket go way down.
If you’ve done some of these, I would like to hear about it.
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I hope Mel Gibson reads this... :0)
I got a warning once. For my plates being expired. I told the police officer I was headed to get them done that day. Then what happened. I got a ticket a week later because ... I am a liar. :(
11. (British version). Don't say: "Why don't you spend your time catching thieves and drug dealers instead of persecuting innocent motorists, who, by the way, pay the taxes that pay your wages?"
If he's cute can I tell him? Would this get me off with a warning?
I've only gotten one ticket. Actually I was speeding, but I received a ticket for not wearing a seat belt. The cop followed me all the way to work to do this!
The only time I got a ticket was on an interstate connecting VT and NH. A state cop from each state were visiting eachother when I passed them. Next thing I knew, one was in front of me, one in back, and they pulled me over. It was scary, boxed in that way. I sat in my car wondering what in the world was going on. Why did two cops break off their visit to pull me over? Like you, I was respectful, and I didn't do any of the things on your list. Luckily, neither did my 6'2" son, who was with me. Eventually, I was given a ticket because my inspection sticker was out of date. I was relieved, actually, because in the beginning it had been so scary. I think if I had done any of your no no's, I would have found myself in the back of a cruiser with handcuffs on.
I just got pulled over the other day, too. Apparently the State Patrol doesn't appreciate sportbikes entering HWY167 kinda fast and crossing the double white line a bit early. I was very fortunate, though, the guy just gave me a warning. I was on my way to work, had my coffee mug and water bottle attached to my backpack, no prior tickets, was polite and played dumb. Seemed to work out.
Sheila B, you got the ticket because you were in VT and NH, for God's sake. The cops were just pissed that they were stuck there too. Be happy they didn't fire warning shots into your chest. Next time, move to California where everything is wonderful and rosy!
Lorlie - yes, I am reasonable around cops. They deal with enough jerks without me being one. I couldn't believe I didn't get a ticket this last time though.
Mega - I didn't even think about Mel when I wrote this, but you're right. Maybe he will hire me as a life coach.
r gar - Yep, that was karma working against you.
Lord G. - I had a friend try that once. He said, "You should be out catching lawbreakers." The cop responded with, "I just caught one." Touche!
MPG - I think you are discerning enough to know when/if this would work. A woman would have a better chance with a male officer than a man with a female officer. I think...
BPOP - One ticket? I think I got seven speeding tickets my first year of college. Maybe even more. They almost took my license away.
Sheila - I'm cracking up at Joe D's comment regarding your comment. Would love to know if you agree with him...
Steve - well played. You just reminded me - I got a warning on my bike just prior to the three I'm referring to here. So I've had FOUR WARNINGS IN A ROW. Wow.
Joe D - Hilarious comment my friend. Drop by anytime.
OMG - that is too hilarious - I only cry when I'm going to get a ticket and it actually works! I'm not sure guys should try that though. Another time, I blamed my speeding on my dog in the back of the car - I was in a hurry to get her home and she was a rescued malamute...yada yada yada - I can't BELIEVE I got off with that one! She even had me roll down the window and petted her! Yikes - thank goodness she was a good malamute! Too clever though - I will have to share these with my husband....not sure it'll do all that good but it might!
ak - the old 'gotta get my rescued Malamute home' trick. I've heard of it. Perhaps I should write a hub on good excuses for speeding.
I know - its kind of a thing .. I am working on the compulsive liar inside of me. LOL.
Good tips. As a person who has many friends in the law enforcement community, ya have to remember they're just doing their job. And you have NO idea what kind of day they have had. That being said, I've totally tried the flirting/crying thing, and had no luck whatsoever. Kind of a shock to the ego. Oh well! Around here, giving the cop a good hunting spot tip is usually helpful!
Hi Stan,
First, I have never done anything on your list.
I was caught by radar once. I was doing 70 I think passing someone, and there were several cars around me going even faster. So, when the cop got to my window, I said, I have a question for you. There were cars going faster than I was so how did I get picked? He replied, it's like fishing. You happened to be the one who caught the hook. Grr!
Another time, I was 17 and headed to my boyfriend's house on a county road. The speed limit was 50 at the time. Anyway, I'm cruisin along and I see the flashing lights. Mind you, I wasn't speeding, or so I thought. So he pulls me over and asks me if I know why he pulled me over, to which I replied, no, I really don't. He said I was doing 55, and all I said was, I'm sorry, I didn't realize that. Then he said well, it's a good thing you're cute, or I'd have given you a ticket. Just pay better attention to the speed limit. Was I flirting with him? Nope, but I guess I dodged a bullet with my pretty face LOL.
I also have had a very embarrassing experience involving an accident, however, it's a bit lengthy to put out here. I'll just leave it at, I was hit by a car, got off to the side of the road, the woman who hit me called her hubby who showed up. When the cops took my info they said ok you can go. I proceeded to put my truck in reverse, and bam. Little did I realize the woman's hubby had pulled up right behind me, close enough that I never saw the car, so I hit him. All I could do was hang my head in shame LOL. A double header with one family, and two tickets for the price of one!
Crying can help. But you have to make it real. A fake cry will get you a ticket for sure!
Hey Stan, I live in constant fear of them stopping me. Thank you for the great advice! LOL
Hopefully, I'll never have occasion to have to use it. It's nice to see you back. :)
You should attach the video clip from "Dumb & Dumber" for when those guys were stopped by the cop in their mutt van. You luck has been better than mine in this area Stan and I have avoided your guffaws but then again two tickets in a lifetime is not so bad! WB
Trish - I laughed out loud at your 'double crash' story. That is a classic and should be in a movie, if it's not already. Thanks for sharing!
RLS - yes, a full-blown PMS cry should do the trick. If I was a cop and someone did that, I would probably escort them home and make them some hot tea.
Sam - you strike me as a person who would get pulled over by police almost daily - you're out of control! I'm glad this information was helpful.
Wayne - 2 tickets? Very impressive. BTW - I think Dumb and Dumber is my favorite comedy flick of all time. That scene you mentioned is classic.
hey there Stan!
It certainly wasn't funny at the time. It was downright humiliating. I've left some details out, or I'd be writing my own hub :)
I'm sure the cops had a good laugh over that one!
Another funny hub, Stan. You da man. It just occurred to me that I'd like to read a "Top Ten Stupid Things People I've Busted Have Said" written by a traffic cop. I wonder if there are any cops on hubpages . . .
L.T.
Trish - you SHOULD write that for a hub. It's hilarious!
LT - Don't know if there are any cops on here, but I'll do some research and see what I can find. Thanks for reading!
I never get warnings............ only tickets :-( Oddly enough, my son is VERY proud of that fact. He likes telling people his mother has a lead foot at all the WRONG times! Very funny! kaie
Well Stan, I have never done anything like this, being the silent mannered type. But in a quick story, I was going done HWY 90 one day where the spped limit is 55mph. I was on the outer lane and slower traffice is suppose to be the inside lane. I noticed that everyone was passing me on the right, not kidding, they had to be going 60-70 miles per hour, so I decided to go up to sixty. I th FHP still following me and cars were still passing me on the right. I go up to 65mph and cars still passing me. Finally the FHP flashes his lights and I carefully get in the right lane and pull over when I reach a safe spot. He gets out of the car, and without saying a word, he says "Don't you know slow traffic is the inside lane, cars are trying to pass you. I said sir, I was going the speed limit, then above the speed limit and cars were still passing me, you had to have seen that? He didn't answer me and said, this is just a warning. I left it at that because if I would have pushed for an answer I would have received a ticket. As he walked away I hear in a distance, Drive safely!
He actually wanted me to speed?
Well, this takes the whole fun out of being stopped by a cop. I always look at it this way...if I go the State Fair I'm going to drop about $120. A ball game might cost me at least $100. Most things entertainment wise cost an arm and a leg. Certainly the ticket is going to cost me an arm and a leg. This is a form of entertainment worth every penny, and knowing I NEVER get out of a ticket...
It's play time. :)
Kaie - Welcome to the lead foot club! And thanks for reading.
Ehern - good to see you. Yes, he was encouraging you to speed. Dad always taught me to drive like a fish in a stream. If everybody is going 80, so am I. Thanks for reading!
Spring - An interesting way of looking at it. I've heard of 'death by cop' but never 'entertainment by cop'. As long as you're having fun, more power to you. Thanks for reading.
lorlie6 Level 3 Commenter 17 months ago
I do believe the key here is that those are 10 things you may just WANT to do, but reason must prevail.
Congratulations on your reasonableness!
PS: I've never gotten a warning. What, pray tell, am I doing wrong?