Are You a T.U.R.D.? Let's Hope So!
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Perhaps someone has called you a turd in the past, maybe as recently as today. That’s not a very nice thing to say, on that we can agree. But let’s see if we can turn that turd around and make something positive out of it. I wrote a little poem about it to cheer you up.
“Don’t let it get you down,
Turn that turd around,
Turn up the happy,
While you turn down the crappy.”
If only Mr. Rogers was still alive. I could probably get a job writing poetry for his show. But back to the turd at hand.
Next time someone says, “You’re a turd” you can reply, “Do you mean turd as in a 'Terribly Under Rated Dude'?” (substitute Dudette or Debutante if you’re a female). See how that takes the sting out of your turdness? You’ve taken their turd and slapped them silly with it. There’s almost always a way to put a positive spin on things if you work at it.
What about when someone calls you a sh*t? Everyone knows that SH*T stand for ‘So Handsome I Twinkle’. Or everyone knows it now anyway. Use their own sh*t against them! Turn a negative into a positive.
One of the most common putdowns you hear is when someone calls you an a**hole. It’s a good thing a**hole stands for ‘A Super Smart Honored One Living Enraptured’. That neutralized it really well I think. If that’s what it means, PLEASE call me an a**hole all you want. I insist. I’m living more enraptured just thinking about it.
One of the modern putdowns that I’m hearing a lot lately is the word “douche” or “douchebag”. I welcome this one because I know deep down what they’re telling me is that I’m a “Delightful, Observant, Uber-Cool He-man Entrepreneur. If they add the word ‘bag’ just add “Babes Are Groveling” or “Boys are Groveling” if you’re a female. Now, just the simple act of someone calling you a douchebag will make you feel like a million bucks. I know I do.
The word ‘gay’ is now sometimes used as a putdown in its adjective form. Good thing gay stands for “Gifted Ambidextrous Yodeler”. That’s one of the kindest things you can say to a person. Most yodelers are right handed only. Few are gifted.
You might want to call some of your co-workers some of these former putdowns tomorrow at work. Everyone needs some encouragement. Wives, try it out on your husbands right now. Tell him he's a sh*t and watch him light up. Or try this next line on your boss.
“You know, boss, I just gotta’ say it. You’re a real douchebag, and I really mean that.”
I think you’ll be surprised by his response. That is if you have a chance to explain it to him.
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Never have been called a T.U.R.D. but a B.I.T.C.H. a few times I know it's hard to believe...Beautiful Intelligent Tenacious Captivating Hugable (spell check isn't working oops)person Voted up and funny! won't you be please won't you be .....my neighbor.
Misty - Did you do it? Now he knows that he's so handsome he twinkles. I'm grateful for this opportunity to help your marriage.
Well done, old chum. very well done. I like how you turned insults into compliments...shoud work on a few more like *sshat, douchewhistle, c*m-guzzling uber-slime (one of my favorites).
Susan - I can't imagine that anyone would have ever called you the B word. I thought Canadians were super nice. I guess that's just some more of my stupid American ignorance showing.
LOL, still working on getting him to read anything here on hubpages (even my stuff), might have to print it and put it in his lunchbox instead :)
I want to start seeing your therapist! And BTW, what meds are you on anyway?
Well, Stan, being a T U R D is far, far better than the dyslexic version: a D R U T. I'd much rather be a Terrific Unbelievably Rare Delight than a Depressing Repugnant Unbearable Troublemaker.
And there's nothing wrong with your meds. You just have to remember to swallow them!
Snigger!
Ha ha ha ha !!! and more !!!
Very clever Mr Stan Entertainer !!!
Take care
Eiddwen
And there was me thinking GAY stood for Got Aids Yet ?
Just goes to show what I know...
It's great to wake up to a laugh on a Monday morning...Thanks Stan
Someone called me a D.I.C.K head once, but it does'nt bother me as it means
Delightful, Intelligent, Charming, Kissable head, and I think that is rather sweet.
Thanks for the laughs Stan.
Up and awesome cuz I just can't not laugh when I read your hubs:). Thats all I'm stalking about:-)
So far, so good, I've not had to put a spin on a turd. I subscribe to "You can't polish a turd". But, now, if I'm in a position where I need to, I've got a new definition.
Surly - if we could turn every insult into a compliment, just think what a wonderful world this would be.
Pooh - Effexor - can't believe I'm telling everyone this. And my therapist is great. Have you ever thought about the fact that the word therapist spells the rapist?
Don't know why I thought of that this early in the morning.
DRBJ - you're better at this game than I am.
Angie - snigger. Hmmm. Let's see. Sassy, Nice, Individual Growing Great Eggplants Regularly. Maybe not. Do you grow eggplants?
Eiddwen - the first thought I had this morning was to unpublish this one. Glad you liked it.
Merlin - your political incorrectness has no peer. Glad you got a chuckle.
Christopher - you're quite good at this game too. I was going to name my son Richard Edward and call him Dick Ed for short, but everyone thought it was a bad idea.
Real - you get bonus points for "that's all I'm stalking about". Well played.
Amy - in my search for an image for this post I came across some turd polish that actually comes in a little tin like shoe polish. I've always thought that you couldn't polish a turd either. Apparently, we're both wrong.
Sweet! I just can't quit you Stan:-) I absolutely LOVE your funny 'tude!
"Have you ever thought about the fact that the word therapist spells the rapist?"
Gee thanks Stan. I have no anxiety about going to see one now. Effexor worked great for me too for about five years. I think it is one of the cleaner ones (less side effects).
Real - I love that you love it.
Pooh - I was just dissecting the word. There's nothing to 'the rapist' of course. I like Effexor so far....Like you, sometimes the ones I've used in the past seem to quit working, but I find another one that does.
Gosh - my therapist (who charged me $85.00 per hour just to listen to me ramble on gave me no drugs at all - I really got raped! Not to mention the fact that she actually fell asleep during one of our "sessions" seriously! I really am that LAME:-)
Stan and Real,
I'd charge just $84.99...
And have you ever given serious consideration to the fact that you are both totally normal and the rest of the world just needs to catch up?
Yeah, see, I'm a total bargain right?
And Stan you win some sort of a prize for a hub that actually turned that frown upside down!
You douchebag...
C
Well I called my hubby some of those things yesterday during an aweful domestic !! But now I know I was being nice really ....thanks X
Real - causing your therapist to nod off is more common than you might think. Everytime I launch into my story about getting my lunch box stolen in kindergarten and how that has adversely affected me since then, my therapist is snoring away in a matter of minutes. I just keep talking until she wakes up again, and then it's time to go.
Chris - thanks for the 'douchebag'. I really appreciate it man. And I like your take on Real and I being the normal ones. I'm stopping my therapy and drug treatment immediately.
Loveslove - It's all in how you look at it. Surely your hubby felt the love that was emanating from you. I know I do.
Stan,
Maybe I should have said "you seem normal to me..." I dont advocate stopping meds beause, ooh look at the shiney thing...
C
It's OK. I've already changed my mind again. I think I'll stay on 'em for awhile. And looking at random shiny things (ADD) is something that my therapist and I discuss often, when we can stay on track long enough to do so.
Stan, the TURD washing powder - awesome packaging! Got me imagining - Wow this shirt smells so nice. Yes dear, that's because I've washed it in TURD you a*hole! Thanks my darling, you are such a douchebag!
Stan I just gotta be real man - I felt sorry for her and was actually hoping she didn't know that I knew that she had nodded off:-) I know you won't believe this - you have helped me so quickly once again - she should have given me some drugs! THATS what's wrong with me!
Stan! Stan! Hurrry go look at bargergirl28 - she just posted a new hub and you can already vote on my ass! Now how 'bout that?
Yes sir, a good acronym can hide a multitude of sins. I chuckled at 'the rapist' idea, btw. It reminds me that manslaughter isn't always a bad thing...it could also be 'man's laughter'...just sayin'.
Hey Stan thanks man that means a lot to me .... P C
I assume you mean Pretty Cool Huh !
Your hub titles get me laughing even before I read the hub. I was in a bad mood, but not anymore! Who needs 'the rapist' when we have Stan. :)
Stan, I still think we're both right. The producer of the turd polish is just figuring anyone who thinks they can is dumb enough to buy his product.
LOMBKMFITAL
A new acronym. I just made it up. hehehehe
Nellie - It's either "laying on my back kicking my feet in the air laughing", or "leaving oranges, mangos, bananas, kiwis, melons fermenting in the alligator's lair.
Which one is it?
Pdog - your conversation in your comment seemed so realistic. Have you said that lately? Sounds like you may have.
Real - I was actually getting ready to say, "I'll have what you're having", but apparently you're not having anything.....
Timorous - Man's laughter. Very clever. Wish I would have thought of it.
Merlin - does it really mean a lot to you, or are you just saying that?
MPG - thanks a lot. Glad to elevate your mood. That's one of the services I offer.
Amy - seems like something that would really take off since there are so many turds that need polishing out there.
I know - surprising isn't it - I'm just plum crazy. I blame it on having a couple of concussions - but I did do an EEG on myself - all my brain waves look just like everyone elses! I'm getting a new therapist tomorrow - and I'm going to go to your fan Chris Lincoln - I'm all about saving pennies:-)
You are so clever, Stan. It is "Lying on my back kicking my feet in the air laughing." So I wasn't as original as I thought. sniff, sniff. (peeking to see if anyone is taking pity on me. . . )
Nellieanna,
There you are, playing in Stan's yard I see...
And
Stan,
I am so not a fan, despite Real's statement. I can hardly bring myself to read your stuff, what with that hubscore and all, I feel like I'm slumming,
C
It's a wonderful playground (if one watches where one steps). I wouldn't miss it for the world. I have my rubber boots on, just in case. They're stylish but not up to red carpet standards. So if anyone takes a picture, please keep it from the waist up. Hugs.
Real - you're going to Chris for therapy? He's wanted in twelve states east of the Mississippi. But if that's what you really wanna' do.....
Nellie - as I know you know, it's hard carrying this burden of cleverness all the time. Our brains are so heavy it's hard to hold our heads up straight!
Chris - I just pissed off half my fan base with my drug legalization hub. It will be really easy for you to kick my Hubscore by about 10 points or more from here on out. Thanks for occasionally slumming here though...and quit trying to run Nellie off.
Nellie - I guess I'm gonna' have to hire new lawn maintenance people. Wait a minute - I don't have any lawn maintenance people. Keep your boots on and I will advise you when the area is clear.
A girls gotta do what a girls gotta do Stan - I'm wanted in all the other states!
Stan,
After an over comedic diet of you, Sue, Attemptedhumor, Shades and Merlin I need a little classing up, and Nellieanna does it perfectly. I only want to borrow her for a little while...
And your fan base - they'll never leave, they're addicted...
And sadly, I'm not wanted anywhere, east or west of any darn river...
C
Real - should I notify the authorities?
Chris - anybody who wears a black hat like that has to be wanted somewhere...I'm going to experiment with my fans and crank out about 10 bombs in a row and see what they do, just for fun.
Stan,
It's a messiah thing, they'll love you anyway.
Except Pcunix, he'll ditch you in a hearbeat.
And what is up with an English guy wearing a cowboy hat anyway?
No wonder he can't get a job. (or say y'all without everyone falling over laughing on the rolling floor)
Yes! Please do! Hurry before that Justin Bieber party - I'd rather be in jail!
Chris - I'm going to put it to the test and attack my followers in my next hub. You'll see.......
LOL I can't even post kiss me I'm Irish in my hub and get it published. it said substandard quality? .. how you did it makes me envious :)Thumbs up.
Mindy - thanks for reading. This must be a higher quality turd than most.... That's all I can chalk it up to.... :)
mistyhorizon2003 Level 7 Commenter 15 months ago
LOL, I must try that, I doubt my Hubby will be as happy as you say when I call him a sh*t though. Better get him to read this Hub first I reckon!! Rated funny and up,thanks for the giggles.