One of the World's Most Humiliating Jobs
71Those of us who have been around the block a time or two have all had less-than-cool jobs from time to time. My worst job was when I drug ‘deads’ around at a cattle feedlot one summer. When a cow had died, I would chain it up to a tractor and drag it up to the road where the dead truck could pick it up. This was in Texas in the summertime and some of the cows were a little, uh, ripe, shall we say. It didn’t take me long to figure out I wanted to do something else. Almost anything else.
I later had a friend that had a job cleaning out municipal sewer lines. He would routinely find himself waist-deep in ‘stuff’ for hours at a time. I think I would rather drag dead cows around.
But I’ve noticed a lot of folks lately who have chosen to accept a job that I’m really not sure I could do. It’s not dirty, and there are no weird smells involved, but it’s humiliating none-the-less.
I’m talking about the people who wear weird costumes and stand on street corners promoting businesses. Like the people I saw back in April wearing a foam Statue of Liberty costume promoting tax prep services. I don’t want to name names (Jackson Hewitt), but I’m not sure what these companies are thinking. I mean, right away, the message I’m getting is, “Yes, we’re willing to humiliate our employees…just for you.” That should be their slogan. This may make YOU feel good about the lengths these companies will go to to serve you, but I find it a little sad and pathetic. Maybe they just have the person who has been late to work the most that week do these jobs. "Get out there and wear this costume on the street for the next 8 hours or you're fired! And don't forget to smile!"
I guess I’m too kind, but I always feel their shame as I drive by, and choose to look the other way.
Yesterday, I saw a guy wearing a giant banana suit who was promoting a smoothie place. He looked like someone who was a little down on his luck and found himself in a position that the banana suit was his only option. I admire him for not panhandling, but I know he must be having some major self esteem issues. Hopefully they have mental health services in their insurance plan.
“Good to meet you. So, what do you do?”
“I’m a giant banana in the morning. In the afternoon I’m a sheep for a mattress store.”
“Uh, …that’s…great!”
And yes, I did see a person in a sheep costume at a mattress place yesterday. I won’t name the place, but it rhymed with Berta and started with an S. This sheep person seemed to have the right attitude though. I think they were even bleating a little.
If you find yourself at a place where the sheep or banana costume is your only option, just go for it. Most people probably won’t recognize you. Hold nothing back. The only thing worse than being in a banana costume in public is being in a banana costume in public with a bad attitude.
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Hi, Stan, you made me laugh. This ditty is for you:
I would rather dress as a banana doing battle than drive a tractor around all day dragging dead cattle.
great hub, Stan! :)
Nice little piece. I've been mostly retired for a while and have considered driving a cab part-time to keep busy and pick up a little walking around money. Some of my neighbors would be quite surprised to encounter me as their driver to the airport or as a cashier or greeter at WalMart. Instead I work on political campaigns and represent claimants in unemployment compensation hearings. I'm not a big believer in retirement.
Sometimes a person has to do what they've gotta do. Makes me appreciate my job.
The guy in my town that wears the foam statue of liberty costume is seriosuly hopped up on something. I haven't seen anything bounce around that much since my hubby gave my daughter rock star. Like you said, better than panhandling though! Funny as usual, Stan, hope you have a fabulous Memorial Weekend!
Good stuff!
I myself usually stay away from businesses that go to such lengths by using characters. I think it definitely cheapens their image.
Arthur - your addition of the dancing hot dog is appreciated. I guess if you're a hot girl, it might somehow be less humiliating. At least you know you're still hot after you get the costume off. "I enjoy their sacrifice for my amusement." Your a sick man, Arthur, a sick man.
DRBJ - lol, great poem. I will use it as a mantra next time I find myself in a banana suit. Could happen.
MaryRenee - thanks for dropping by. And for your first visit. Glad you enjoyed it. There's more where that one came from.
Ralph - welcome back. I can see you doing some of those jobs, but I just can't quite picture you in a banana suit. If you ever put one on, be sure and take a pic. And yes, full retirement would stink.
Samboiam - ditto.
SFB - as far as the weekend goes, it's been about 50 and raining for a week. Knowing that there are people in Arizona in bathing suits is killing me. And I too have seen some very lively costume wearers. They're chanting, "Be the banana" to themselves.
jlwhets - I agree. It seems to be 'the thing' to do. There are lots of non-costume wearing sign flippers out there too. Dollar for dollar, it probably is fairly cheap advertising.
I've been waiting for a good laugh from you, and, as always, you didn't let me down. Now I'm wondering if I should try one of those jobs. I don't want to be food. If I'm a statue, can I just stand still? I don't think I could do the enthusiasm bit. Oh, I know, I'll be a tree. Tall and stately, just what I always wanted to be. But don't ask me what kind of tree...that answer is reserved for baba wawa.
A little ripe...LOL thats a good line ;0)
I've had some bad jobs myself over the years I guess that is why I can relate to this hub, Thanks for posting it
Sheila - Ha! I read this right when I woke up, and I was trying to figure out which New Age religion you were involved in - I had never heard of baba wawa! Thought it might be like Bahai or something. I get it now. :)
Duh!
Glad to make you laugh. Maybe you could work for Keebler and be a tree.
Manthy - Thanks for dropping by. Always great to see a new face. Glad you enjoyed it...
THE WORLD'S MOST HUMILIATING JOB: standing behind Stan (the Man) in line for an audition for a Val Kilmer body double.
I've always hated even having to wear as much as a name tag for any job.
hardinflash - I'm with you bro! Thanks for stopping by...
Dear Stan,
Do you really want to know what some people do for living in Iceland, except for making natural soap (and souvenirs) from the ash from "EYJAFJALLAJÖKULL VOLCANO" and selling it on EBAY to people from Gruver, Texas? So far for about$300.000,oo and some other folks are buying it too. I will give you a free sample if you will be my sales rep.: in Texas and Arizona. You will get one free jar for each 20 that you sell. Price before promotions and discounts and TV selling are (believe it) 33.99 per jar. Contact me at: hisleifsson@eyjar.is and your financial success is on its way.
Eman - I haven't done any Kilmer body double auditions lately. Time to go hit the gym. And put down the ice cream.
well your hubs are better than ice cream - maybe not Megan Fox but at least ice cream!!
OMG Stan, you are tooooo funny! I am really laughing because there is a tax service business around the corner from where I work and an employee had that silly Statute of Liberty outfit on and she was jumping around like a maniac - and all I could think was I would never take my taxes to be done there because they make their employees look stupid. Therefore, I would not trust them with my taxes! Thanks again for another funny story!
Hall Door - I would love to know what else you Icelanders do for money. Why don't you illuminate my readers? Keep it PG-13.
Eman - Somewhere between ice cream and Megan Fox, which have similar IQ's.
Samiaali - I agree. I thought taxes were supposed to be serious business. It must be working for them though, or they wouldn't be doing it. Maybe someone from their corporate offices will stumble onto your comment.
Yes, I think the best costumes would be ones, that don't show who you are:) So you go into a bathroom rather discreetly, waiting for your moment to change, and then walk out:0 Less embarassment:) Funny Hub!
Dragging dead cows would be an interesting ice-breaker during party conversation :-)
Enjoyed the Hub Stan
Heart - Always good to see a first-time visitor. Good plan. I have a feeling I would be embarrassed anyway though. I struggle with negative self-talk and I'm sure it would really flare up if I was in a sheep costume, even if I were incognito. Thanks for stopping by!
Shin - Another new visitor. This is cool. Thanks for stopping by. I really appreciate it. And you're right. I have pulled out the cow dragging story several times at a party when there was a lull in the conversation. It either really cranks up the conversation, or causes lots of blank stares.
LOL!
abal - thanks so much for dropping by. Glad to make you laugh.
I guess it is sad really Stan. There but for the grace of god........
Ethel - indeed. Thanks for reading!
Arthur Windermere 24 months ago
LOL Rated up and funny.
I've actually had a job as a genuine crap-shoveller on a farm, for both the cows and the sheep. Cleaning the cow barn made me physically ill. And y'know what? I totally agree with you: I'd still prefer the cow barn to being in some sort of anthropomorphic food costume. Nothing reminds one of the absurdity of life quite like a human tucked inside a giant effigy of some organic matter we want to feed to other humans. A friend of mine is employed as a dancing hotdog. She's a pretty girl too. It's a shame they tuck her in that giant smiling hotdog and make her dance in it all day.
Call it cruel, but I love those people. I don't look away. I enjoy their sacrifice for my amusement. They make me happy and generally feel whatever little I've done with my life, well, at least I'm not a dancing hotdog.